man visits Chinese friend dying in a hospital..
friend says: "I TA GUAE YONG KHEE!"
....and dies...
Man goes to China to find the meaning of
friend's last words:
"YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!"
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A chinese couple was about to have their first baby. When the baby
was
born, the eyes
were big, the hair are curly and the skin was brown. So the chinese
father
named the baby "SAM TING RONG"!!!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Buhay Babae
Mahirap Buhay ng babae...
Umaga - Laba damit
Tanghali - Sampay damit
Hapon - Tiklop damit
Hating gabi - hubad damit
Madaling araw - hanap damit
Umaga - Laba damit
Tanghali - Sampay damit
Hapon - Tiklop damit
Hating gabi - hubad damit
Madaling araw - hanap damit
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Mr and Mrs
Lasing o hindi?
MRS : Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR : Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?
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Zorro
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino ‘yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs
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Mrs: tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos.
Mr: ikaw, makeup mo mas magastos.
Mrs: nagpapaganda ko para sa yo.
Mr: ako umiinom para gumanda ka!
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Mr: Malamig na sinangag, matabang na kape, maalat na sabaw, paano ka ba naman gaganahan nito?
Mrs: MAASIM NA ITLOG, MALAMBOT NA *ITI, MALAKING TYAN, KALA MO BA GINAGANAHAN AKO ?! TSE!!!
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Mrs: Gusto kong magpadagdag ng boobs..
Mr: Ha! Di ba masagwa yon... magiging tatlo!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr: "Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod."
Mrs: teka, ito nakasulat "Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom."
MRS : Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR : Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?
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Zorro
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: E ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino ‘yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs
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Mrs: tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos.
Mr: ikaw, makeup mo mas magastos.
Mrs: nagpapaganda ko para sa yo.
Mr: ako umiinom para gumanda ka!
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Mr: Malamig na sinangag, matabang na kape, maalat na sabaw, paano ka ba naman gaganahan nito?
Mrs: MAASIM NA ITLOG, MALAMBOT NA *ITI, MALAKING TYAN, KALA MO BA GINAGANAHAN AKO ?! TSE!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs: Gusto kong magpadagdag ng boobs..
Mr: Ha! Di ba masagwa yon... magiging tatlo!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr: "Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod."
Mrs: teka, ito nakasulat "Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom."
Paru Parong Bukid Sung By an American High School Choir
fun and amazing video for the Filipinos out there!
Filipino/English to Japanese translations
Japanese translations:
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Manok - Sekken
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
This - Itto
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Manok - Sekken
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
This - Itto
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto.
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Classic University Jokes Part1
PAALALA: This jokes are not meant to insult and offend. Katuwaan lang po.So Peace tayo guys! Have fun!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exam
La Salle Student: Hahaha Tuition fee nyo, baon lang namen, ang poor nyo naman
UP Student: Hahaha ano ngayon??? Final Exams nyo Seatwork lang namin
------------------------------------------------------------------------
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tatlong Magkaka-brakada: a La Sallite, a UPian, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask?
"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do Lasallites count to ten?
-- One, two, three, another, another, another ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Things We Learn in Grade School
Chance had it that an Atenean and a La Sallite were peeing in the Men's Room at the same time. The Atenean finished first and after a quick shake, zipped up and was about to quickly exit.
The La Sallite finished peeing immediately after, approached the sink, turned on the faucet, started to wash his hands and hurriedly shot a remark at the departing Atenean - "You must be an Atenean!"
The Atenean replied, "Why yes... You're right... But aside from the obvious markings on my jacket, how did you know?"
To which, the La Sallite answered rather haughtily, "I noticed - you didn't wash your hands after peeing. You see, we, La Sallites, were taught, very early in Grade School, to always wash our hands after we pee!"
And the Atenean replied somewhat sheepishly, "Oh... Well.. You see, we Ateneans were taught, very early in Grade School, never to pee in our hands..."
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Mahirap Ang Lahat
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Santa Isabel College, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa Adamson University, mahirap umuwi kahit anong oras.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
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Pasikatan ng Graduates
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents oxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario, Rico Yan . . .
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CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
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MAGIC MIRROR
There's a magic mirror but the thing is, if you lied, **kling** the mirror will instantly vanish you. Then there were 3 students (from UP, ADMU, DLSU) who passed by that mirror and decided to give it a shot just to see if it really works...
UP: I think UP students are not intelligent... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
ADMU: I think Ateneo students are poor... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
DLSU: (Proudly) I think... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
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BUYING A PARROT
A La Sallite walks into a store and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir... are you a Lasallite by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I asked for BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, you ask me if I'm from La Salle? Duh?"
"Sir... kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a bookstore not a pet shop, eh."
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UST - "UP Sana Tayo."
DLSU - "Di Lumusot sa UPCAT"
AdMU - "Ang Daming Mali sa UPCAT"
UP - University of the Poor / University of Pila
PLM - Pamanatasan sa Likod ng Mapua
St. Paul- Sana Talaga Pumasa Ako UP, Lord (the best)
STI - Sampung Taong Istambay
- Sa Tabing Ilog
PSBA - Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya atbp
- Parking space beside Ateneo
FEU- Far Employment Univesity
PMI- Pamantasan Malapit sa Ilog
PMA- Pahinga Muna Anak
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Pag nahuli ng pulis while driving
DLSU : Sorry sir, here's 500 pesos for the boys
ATENEO: Pasensya na sir, here's 200 pesos
UST : Bossing, pag-usapan na lang natin sa 100
UP : 50 pesos lang dala ko eh! Pwede na to!
AMA : Ano gusto nyo? Stork o Maxx?
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Mas gustong pinaguusapan
Ateneo : books
DLSU : showbiz
St. Scho : boys
San Beda : girls
AMA : kami na naman? STI naman.
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DLSU: taz
ADMU: bugs bunny
UP: sylvester
UST: tweety
FEU: porky pig
AMA: Marvin... and Jolina
STI: Antoinette Taus
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LaSalle: st. john baptist de la salle, pray for us....
Ateneo: st. ignatius, pray for us
San Sebastian: st.sebastian, pray for us
San Beda: st.benedict, st bede, pray for us/that in all things god may be glorified
JRU: our holy father national hero jose rizal?!?!?!
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After class:
CSB - tambay, punta sa kotse
Letran - punta mall, coffee break
Beda - tambay, review notes
Mapua - punta walls, pa cute cute
PCU - uwi agad, laba-laba
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Ateneo: My credit cards!!!
La Salle: My cash!!!
UP: Form 5 ko!!!
AMA: Pakshet! Yung picture ni Jolens!!!
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Gimik:
DLSU- abgs
ADMU- fatwillys
Beda- mars
CEU - padis
UST - chatterbox
AMA - di nyo kami maaapi ngayon sa hardrock kami! may concert si jolina!
beeh!
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LaSalle: PlayBoy
UST: Penthouse
SanBeda: UNO
Letran: Vogue
JRU: BALITANG TORO(sold under LRT stations)
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Maalaala mo kaya:
Dear Ate Charo,
It’s so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor.You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga.
Eh ‘di I went. But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang.
Would you believe, there’s no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn’t work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn’t make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay. Do you feel my pain na ba?
But wait, there’s more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy’s Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they’re mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there’s an increase in pamasahe ‘di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.
Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It’s so kadiri talaga. I’m forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I’m so inis because it’s so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don’t have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn’t have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.
My gosh, this place is so bulok I don’t know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need or whiteboards di ba? But you know even if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.Now I’m in my third year na. I don’t want to stay in this place anymore.I don’t give a paki if UP’s the best university here. I’m going to transfer to somewhere else, where the CRs have liquid soap.
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UAAP players edition..
Ateneoism
Mahilig sa mani, si Rabah Al-hussaini!
Padila mo kay Arao, ang iyong bungang araw!
Mahaba ang pang tuklaw, ni Nonoy Baclao!
Tagos na tagos, kay Mike Baldos!
Gagawin kang poso, ni Ken Barracoso!
Malaki ang puerta, ni Yuri Escueta!
Give me your underwear, Zion Laterre!
Parang footlong, ang kay Kirk Long!
Parang short, ang kay Eman Monfort!
Gagawin kang ulam, ni Nkemakolam!
Nadisgrasya si ines, dahil kay Jai Reyes!
Isa kang alamat, Eric Salamat!
I look like you, Chris Tiu!
Adamsonism
Merong tinuhog si Patrick Cabahug!
Adik sa monay si Leo Canuday!
Si Roel Hugnatan pwedeng pangpulutan!
Animoism
Dont touch my muffins, Simon Atkins!
Mapapamura ka sa kama ni Peejay Barua!
Simpleng macho, Jvee Casio!
Kiss ko, Kish Co!
Akin lang si Cua, bruha!
Makulit ang hand, ni Ferdinand!
Kinaladkad ni Brian Ilad!
Faster! faster! Rico Maierhofer!
What a mess, Bader Malabes!
James Mangahas, mahilig manglamas!
Mabilis gumapang, si Ty T@ng!
I like your flavah, Cholo Villanueva!
Be my bubblegum, Pj Walsham!
FEUism
Be my foe, Marlon Adolfo!
You ring my bell, Macmac Baracael!
Barroca mukhang tokwa!
Hindi kakalawangin si Jr Cawaling!
Feeling fearless, Benedict Fernandez!
Mukhang gorilya si Alfred Gerilla!
Paul Sanga naka tunganga!
NUism
Ilabas mo ang toro, Edwin Asoro!
Adik sa tres, Jonathan Fernandez!
Give me your hankey, Jonathan Jahnke!
Para ka lang langaw kay Joseph Lingao lingao!
Mukha lang henyo si Cyrus Malagueno!
UEism
Dalhin mo ako sa banyo, Marcy Arellano!
Huwag mo akong hubaran! Borboran!
Don't undress, Jorel Canizares!
Gusto ko pa ng round two, Elmer Espiritu!
Pull me! Fampulme!
Gusto kong bumayo, dahil kay Kelvin Gregorio!
Don't touch my birdie, Paul Lee!
May tagas si Barry Llagas?
Adik din sa tres si James Martinez!
Killer smiley si Hans Thiele!
UPism
No assist! Shoot agad bilis! Migs De Asis!
Mike Gamboa ipasa mo naman ang bola!
Taste my sauce, Veejay Serios!
Hindi marunong tumalon, Magi Sison!
USTism
Paliguan mo ako sa lababo, Dylan Ababou!
Take off my bra, Francis Allera!
Lets do it after class, Mark Canlas
Rebounds SUS! Jervy Cruz!
Matigas agad ang suman pag hinawakan ni Cuan!
Human pump faker edition, by Jun Dizon!
Ilagay mo ako sa lamesa, Khazim Mirza!
Bakit madulas ang floor, Chester Taylor?
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Q: Excuse for being late?
Ateneo: Cars going to Miriam creating traffic.
Miriam College: Cars going to Ateneo creating traffic.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Expressions pag nakakuha ng funny ***
ADMU - hahaha, funny
DLSU - yeah, right
UP - t***** OK to ah
AMA- t***** tayo na naman ang pinag-uusapan ah!
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Cellphone orders in Greenhills
La Salle - 6680 please
ADMU - five housing for my 6681
UP - car charger nga
UST - extra battery
UE - two pieces of P1,000 GLOBE cards
AMA - (pabulong) may brochure kayo?
STI- Gago! anong akala mo sakin nagtitinda d2???
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A MURDER MYSTERY (To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The Innocent Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate
Culprit:
The UP Graduate
Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
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Iba't-ibang reaksyon ng mga
estudyante ng makakita prostitute:
UP: bayaran!
DLSU: flirt!
ADMU: loose!
UST: yuki!
San Beda: how much?
AMA: hi classmate
FEU: hi suki!
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FAVORITE PICK UP LINES
ATENEO: Hi! wanna ride in my new car?
UP Let's study together after school.
UST: Libre kita ng dinner.
DLSU: Let's have a date this weekend.
AMA: Date naman tayo, hindi ako taya
STI: Ay gabi na, hatid nalang kita baka pagalitan ka pa sa inyo
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HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the
bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
Holy Spirit - Ateneans and La Sallites want them in bed
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans... like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters, ooops updated, they are creating viruses
STI - still wishing they were somebody
JRU - they wear 'bigote' like our national hero, even ladies
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Exam
La Salle Student: Hahaha Tuition fee nyo, baon lang namen, ang poor nyo naman
UP Student: Hahaha ano ngayon??? Final Exams nyo Seatwork lang namin
------------------------------------------------------------------------
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tatlong Magkaka-brakada: a La Sallite, a UPian, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask?
"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do Lasallites count to ten?
-- One, two, three, another, another, another ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Things We Learn in Grade School
Chance had it that an Atenean and a La Sallite were peeing in the Men's Room at the same time. The Atenean finished first and after a quick shake, zipped up and was about to quickly exit.
The La Sallite finished peeing immediately after, approached the sink, turned on the faucet, started to wash his hands and hurriedly shot a remark at the departing Atenean - "You must be an Atenean!"
The Atenean replied, "Why yes... You're right... But aside from the obvious markings on my jacket, how did you know?"
To which, the La Sallite answered rather haughtily, "I noticed - you didn't wash your hands after peeing. You see, we, La Sallites, were taught, very early in Grade School, to always wash our hands after we pee!"
And the Atenean replied somewhat sheepishly, "Oh... Well.. You see, we Ateneans were taught, very early in Grade School, never to pee in our hands..."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mahirap Ang Lahat
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Santa Isabel College, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa Adamson University, mahirap umuwi kahit anong oras.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
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Pasikatan ng Graduates
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents oxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario, Rico Yan . . .
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CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
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MAGIC MIRROR
There's a magic mirror but the thing is, if you lied, **kling** the mirror will instantly vanish you. Then there were 3 students (from UP, ADMU, DLSU) who passed by that mirror and decided to give it a shot just to see if it really works...
UP: I think UP students are not intelligent... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
ADMU: I think Ateneo students are poor... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
DLSU: (Proudly) I think... **kling** ...and the student disappeared.
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BUYING A PARROT
A La Sallite walks into a store and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir... are you a Lasallite by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I asked for BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, you ask me if I'm from La Salle? Duh?"
"Sir... kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a bookstore not a pet shop, eh."
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UST - "UP Sana Tayo."
DLSU - "Di Lumusot sa UPCAT"
AdMU - "Ang Daming Mali sa UPCAT"
UP - University of the Poor / University of Pila
PLM - Pamanatasan sa Likod ng Mapua
St. Paul- Sana Talaga Pumasa Ako UP, Lord (the best)
STI - Sampung Taong Istambay
- Sa Tabing Ilog
PSBA - Pagawaan ng Sapatos, Bakya atbp
- Parking space beside Ateneo
FEU- Far Employment Univesity
PMI- Pamantasan Malapit sa Ilog
PMA- Pahinga Muna Anak
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Pag nahuli ng pulis while driving
DLSU : Sorry sir, here's 500 pesos for the boys
ATENEO: Pasensya na sir, here's 200 pesos
UST : Bossing, pag-usapan na lang natin sa 100
UP : 50 pesos lang dala ko eh! Pwede na to!
AMA : Ano gusto nyo? Stork o Maxx?
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Mas gustong pinaguusapan
Ateneo : books
DLSU : showbiz
St. Scho : boys
San Beda : girls
AMA : kami na naman? STI naman.
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DLSU: taz
ADMU: bugs bunny
UP: sylvester
UST: tweety
FEU: porky pig
AMA: Marvin... and Jolina
STI: Antoinette Taus
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LaSalle: st. john baptist de la salle, pray for us....
Ateneo: st. ignatius, pray for us
San Sebastian: st.sebastian, pray for us
San Beda: st.benedict, st bede, pray for us/that in all things god may be glorified
JRU: our holy father national hero jose rizal?!?!?!
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After class:
CSB - tambay, punta sa kotse
Letran - punta mall, coffee break
Beda - tambay, review notes
Mapua - punta walls, pa cute cute
PCU - uwi agad, laba-laba
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Ateneo: My credit cards!!!
La Salle: My cash!!!
UP: Form 5 ko!!!
AMA: Pakshet! Yung picture ni Jolens!!!
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Gimik:
DLSU- abgs
ADMU- fatwillys
Beda- mars
CEU - padis
UST - chatterbox
AMA - di nyo kami maaapi ngayon sa hardrock kami! may concert si jolina!
beeh!
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LaSalle: PlayBoy
UST: Penthouse
SanBeda: UNO
Letran: Vogue
JRU: BALITANG TORO(sold under LRT stations)
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Maalaala mo kaya:
Dear Ate Charo,
It’s so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor.You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga.
Eh ‘di I went. But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang.
Would you believe, there’s no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn’t work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn’t make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay. Do you feel my pain na ba?
But wait, there’s more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy’s Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they’re mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there’s an increase in pamasahe ‘di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.
Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It’s so kadiri talaga. I’m forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I’m so inis because it’s so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don’t have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn’t have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.
My gosh, this place is so bulok I don’t know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need or whiteboards di ba? But you know even if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.Now I’m in my third year na. I don’t want to stay in this place anymore.I don’t give a paki if UP’s the best university here. I’m going to transfer to somewhere else, where the CRs have liquid soap.
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UAAP players edition..
Ateneoism
Mahilig sa mani, si Rabah Al-hussaini!
Padila mo kay Arao, ang iyong bungang araw!
Mahaba ang pang tuklaw, ni Nonoy Baclao!
Tagos na tagos, kay Mike Baldos!
Gagawin kang poso, ni Ken Barracoso!
Malaki ang puerta, ni Yuri Escueta!
Give me your underwear, Zion Laterre!
Parang footlong, ang kay Kirk Long!
Parang short, ang kay Eman Monfort!
Gagawin kang ulam, ni Nkemakolam!
Nadisgrasya si ines, dahil kay Jai Reyes!
Isa kang alamat, Eric Salamat!
I look like you, Chris Tiu!
Adamsonism
Merong tinuhog si Patrick Cabahug!
Adik sa monay si Leo Canuday!
Si Roel Hugnatan pwedeng pangpulutan!
Animoism
Dont touch my muffins, Simon Atkins!
Mapapamura ka sa kama ni Peejay Barua!
Simpleng macho, Jvee Casio!
Kiss ko, Kish Co!
Akin lang si Cua, bruha!
Makulit ang hand, ni Ferdinand!
Kinaladkad ni Brian Ilad!
Faster! faster! Rico Maierhofer!
What a mess, Bader Malabes!
James Mangahas, mahilig manglamas!
Mabilis gumapang, si Ty T@ng!
I like your flavah, Cholo Villanueva!
Be my bubblegum, Pj Walsham!
FEUism
Be my foe, Marlon Adolfo!
You ring my bell, Macmac Baracael!
Barroca mukhang tokwa!
Hindi kakalawangin si Jr Cawaling!
Feeling fearless, Benedict Fernandez!
Mukhang gorilya si Alfred Gerilla!
Paul Sanga naka tunganga!
NUism
Ilabas mo ang toro, Edwin Asoro!
Adik sa tres, Jonathan Fernandez!
Give me your hankey, Jonathan Jahnke!
Para ka lang langaw kay Joseph Lingao lingao!
Mukha lang henyo si Cyrus Malagueno!
UEism
Dalhin mo ako sa banyo, Marcy Arellano!
Huwag mo akong hubaran! Borboran!
Don't undress, Jorel Canizares!
Gusto ko pa ng round two, Elmer Espiritu!
Pull me! Fampulme!
Gusto kong bumayo, dahil kay Kelvin Gregorio!
Don't touch my birdie, Paul Lee!
May tagas si Barry Llagas?
Adik din sa tres si James Martinez!
Killer smiley si Hans Thiele!
UPism
No assist! Shoot agad bilis! Migs De Asis!
Mike Gamboa ipasa mo naman ang bola!
Taste my sauce, Veejay Serios!
Hindi marunong tumalon, Magi Sison!
USTism
Paliguan mo ako sa lababo, Dylan Ababou!
Take off my bra, Francis Allera!
Lets do it after class, Mark Canlas
Rebounds SUS! Jervy Cruz!
Matigas agad ang suman pag hinawakan ni Cuan!
Human pump faker edition, by Jun Dizon!
Ilagay mo ako sa lamesa, Khazim Mirza!
Bakit madulas ang floor, Chester Taylor?
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Q: Excuse for being late?
Ateneo: Cars going to Miriam creating traffic.
Miriam College: Cars going to Ateneo creating traffic.
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Expressions pag nakakuha ng funny ***
ADMU - hahaha, funny
DLSU - yeah, right
UP - t***** OK to ah
AMA- t***** tayo na naman ang pinag-uusapan ah!
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Cellphone orders in Greenhills
La Salle - 6680 please
ADMU - five housing for my 6681
UP - car charger nga
UST - extra battery
UE - two pieces of P1,000 GLOBE cards
AMA - (pabulong) may brochure kayo?
STI- Gago! anong akala mo sakin nagtitinda d2???
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A MURDER MYSTERY (To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The Innocent Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate
Culprit:
The UP Graduate
Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
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Iba't-ibang reaksyon ng mga
estudyante ng makakita prostitute:
UP: bayaran!
DLSU: flirt!
ADMU: loose!
UST: yuki!
San Beda: how much?
AMA: hi classmate
FEU: hi suki!
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FAVORITE PICK UP LINES
ATENEO: Hi! wanna ride in my new car?
UP Let's study together after school.
UST: Libre kita ng dinner.
DLSU: Let's have a date this weekend.
AMA: Date naman tayo, hindi ako taya
STI: Ay gabi na, hatid nalang kita baka pagalitan ka pa sa inyo
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HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the
bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
Holy Spirit - Ateneans and La Sallites want them in bed
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans... like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters, ooops updated, they are creating viruses
STI - still wishing they were somebody
JRU - they wear 'bigote' like our national hero, even ladies
hiling ng mga babae..
hiling ng mga babae. eto mga prayers ng mga babae.
7yrs old: Lord, give me superman!
15yrs old: Lord,give me a cute man!
in her twenties: Lord,give me a gorgeous man!
in her thirties: Lord,give me a good man!
in her forties: Lord,give me a MAN...
fifties: Lord,give me kahit sino MAN..
sixties+ : Lord,sige na naMAN!
7yrs old: Lord, give me superman!
15yrs old: Lord,give me a cute man!
in her twenties: Lord,give me a gorgeous man!
in her thirties: Lord,give me a good man!
in her forties: Lord,give me a MAN...
fifties: Lord,give me kahit sino MAN..
sixties+ : Lord,sige na naMAN!
At Da Hospital
girl went to doctor due to bad cough and colds. doc places stethoscope on her chest and said, "big breaths." girl proudly replies, "yeth, and i'm only thixteen!"
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Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
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bisaya went to the US to have his penis checked. in the clinic, the bisaya pulled down his pants and exclaimed: SAKIT DOK!
the american doctor blurted out: SUCK IT YOURSELF!
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Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
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bisaya went to the US to have his penis checked. in the clinic, the bisaya pulled down his pants and exclaimed: SAKIT DOK!
the american doctor blurted out: SUCK IT YOURSELF!
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