1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
5. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
8. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
9. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
11. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
12. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
13. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
14. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
15. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
16. When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
17. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
18. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
19. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
20. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
21. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
22. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
23. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
24. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
