Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent: Can I have your expiration date, sir?
Customer: My what?!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent: You called at the right time, ma'am. We have a lot of freebies to give away, such as free installation, free equipment, and free DVD player. That's a great offer, di ba?
Customer: huh?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Agent verifying info from the customer:
Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
Customer: No, it's B.
Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Customer trying to return a defective product:
Customer: I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent: For that concern, you can call our customer service at www.picustomerservi ce.com.
Customer: Call where??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------
Agent answering a call:
Agent: Thank you for calling Dish Network Department, my name is Vince..... (sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer).
Customer: So, I called the wrong number then?
Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV please dont go.... (puts the customer on hold, and then)... Thank you for calling DirecTV Department, my name is Vince...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact you within the next 24 hours to verify your installation schedules...
Customer: Uhm.... say what, now. Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent getting coupon code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the coupon code? It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes.
Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It's P- as in Papa, I- as in India, C- as in costume, U- as in you, S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O.... Oscar...V- for Voy...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent wrapping up the sale, trying to give the account info to customer:
Agent: I will now be giving you your account number and order confirmation number, do you have a PEN and BALLPEN with you?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say, what?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: Here's an example: In California, a plane crashed into a customer's house, their dish was replaced, no questions asked!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this and that, and you know, pretty much anything under the sun. Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: How much are you paying with your current provider?
Customer: Well, I'm only paying $25.00 (--which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) Shet, magkano??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Agent getting customer's address:
Agent: Can I have your address, please?
Customer: It's twenyfurfif- ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ulit?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: ...uhmmm... how about B as in Boy?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Technical Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected?
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: Yung yellow cord kung nakakabit ba!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Customer: hillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin??
Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Customer: Hende naman.
Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Customer: Ang alen?
Agent: Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Customer: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
Agent: Di ba sabi mo walang ring?
Customer: Hende! yong BELL! yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!
Agent: aahhh... yung BILL?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Technical Agent: To help you out with your concern, ma'am, let me just pull out my tool here, ok? (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)
Customer: Pull out your what now?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What? Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard, Bob. (this is interpreted as 'pee' on your keyboard, umihi ka sa keyboard mu)
Customer: No way. I'm not going to do that.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q for Quiapo.....
Customer: What is that?! I dont understand. I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes!
Agent: Do you want to talk to God?
Customer: what the f***! I'd rather talk to you.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed to say "F***k you!" here...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Agent: It's C as in CAT.
Customer: what?
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow meow...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent: Thank you for calling us, this is Candy, how may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
Agent: No, sir, it's Candy.
Customer: Sorry, i can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
Agent: It's Candy sir... Candy... as in Storck!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Customer (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Agent: Yeah, sir....hello sir... are you there?
Customer: Yes, sorry. I'm still there.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Agent: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Customer: What?!!
Agent: Oh, Im sorry, sir... i mean, do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Agent: I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please?
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
Agent: Sure, SIGE..
------------ --------- -----
Tech support: We're going to perform a check disk to see if your hard drive has errors in it. Please type in C-H-K-D-S-K.
Customer: What is that again?
Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K. .. that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly.. D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly... got it?
---------------------------
my friend closing a call...
caller: you've been a great help! thank you.
agent: you're very much welcome. is there anything else that i can help you with?
caller: that's all!
agent: thank you for calling sprint and you have a GOOD BYE!
caller: huh?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
new year!.... i'm building rapport
agent: how's new year mr. customer?
caller: i'm having a great time! how 'bout 'yer new year?
agent: ummhh...uuuhhh...it's.... NEW?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
my co-agent wrapping a call...
"you can also reach us by pressing *2 on your mobile phone or you can log on at triple U double dot sprint dot com" (www.sprint.com)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
my friend asking permission to put the customer on hold...
"can i put your call on hold for just one moment in time?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
agent: thank you for calling, my name is cher-cher. can i have your name please?
customer: my name is joe.
agent: hi joe, how are you doing today?
customer: do you really have to ask that? i just have one quick question.
agent: (nabigla si ate) don't get mad! i'm just trying to build rapport!
(oo nga naman, sir.)
agent: oh, so you are from the navy?
customer: yes, i am from the navy (at nagshare-share siya ng mga happenings sa buhay niya)..
agent: you know what? my cousin is also from the navy.
customer: (na-excite) oh really? wow! that's great to hear!
agent: (na-excite din ang loka) yeah! actually i always get nervous whenever he gets on the plane..
customer: (naputol ang excitement) i think the navy is on ships.
agent: (dead air.)
(agent talking to an american who visits the philippines very often)
agent: so, do you know how to speak tagalog?
customer: yeah.. kawnti lang (slang)
agent: (laughing out loud) wahahahaha!!! akow marameey!!! (slang din)
(grabe, hagalpak ako dito, i swear!) biglaugh
(agent is going to give her customer the confirmation number)
agent: do you have a pen a paper handy?
customer: yes, i do.
agent: good for you.
(onga naman..) I Agree
(agent verifying the customer's name)
agent: so your name is spelled as B as in Banana..
customer: what did you say?
agent: B as in Banana sir, that's like S as in Saging!
It wasnt Me
(customer is irate. kept on saying the F word)
customer: f**** you! f****!
agent: Sir!!! Can you.. please.. (galit pa si ate) stop.. F**** me?!?!
(oh.. my.. god.) Hardcore
