Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Pacquiao Jokes
CHAVIT: MANNY, paki acknowledge naman c 1st Gentleman,late dumating,aun kadadaan lang tabi ng ringside.,
PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.
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Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung
sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman.
May pasalubong ka pa sakin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim
kaya!
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Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin…“MANKY”
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INRITS YUR BOCABOLARY: by Manny Pacquiao
TACTICS - tunog ng orasan
PAYT - laban para sa Pinoy
TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban
JENGKEH - name ng dyowa nya?!
NO PEER - sponsor nya
MOTOR KID - pag-ikot nya sa Manila
CHECK IN - manok sa McDo
CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata
MURA LESS - nakalaban nya
WIT - timbang
WAWAWEH - noontime show
DUET - gawin mo
L.A. - Leto Attyinsah!
QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!
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"Dare what it takes to be, then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without" You know!"
--Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao.
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C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa "PEACE" and order sa inyong lugar...GenSan?
Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh...ang masasabii ku lang diyan ay...
Reporter: ano..?
Manny: ahh, kwan,...maraming "FISH" sa GenSan pero wala maxado umo-Order.
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Si Manny habang inimbita ni PGMA sa isang Hapunan...
GMA:"I`ll have Swiss Steak and French Fries", nag order si GMA sa waiter.
Waiter: And you, Sir?
Manny: The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too
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Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.
PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung
sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman.
May pasalubong ka pa sakin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim
kaya!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin…“MANKY”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INRITS YUR BOCABOLARY: by Manny Pacquiao
TACTICS - tunog ng orasan
PAYT - laban para sa Pinoy
TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban
JENGKEH - name ng dyowa nya?!
NO PEER - sponsor nya
MOTOR KID - pag-ikot nya sa Manila
CHECK IN - manok sa McDo
CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata
MURA LESS - nakalaban nya
WIT - timbang
WAWAWEH - noontime show
DUET - gawin mo
L.A. - Leto Attyinsah!
QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dare what it takes to be, then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without" You know!"
--Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa "PEACE" and order sa inyong lugar...GenSan?
Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh...ang masasabii ku lang diyan ay...
Reporter: ano..?
Manny: ahh, kwan,...maraming "FISH" sa GenSan pero wala maxado umo-Order.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Si Manny habang inimbita ni PGMA sa isang Hapunan...
GMA:"I`ll have Swiss Steak and French Fries", nag order si GMA sa waiter.
Waiter: And you, Sir?
Manny: The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too
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Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.
Contest ito
Host : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue,may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant : Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant : ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Sunflower?
Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant : Siyoke?
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw aynalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy"
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host : Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant : Sa back?
Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant : Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito( Rizal Park).
Contestant : Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant : Beerhouse!
Host : What "N" (narra) is the
national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Niyog?
Host : Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant :Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE!
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant : Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant : ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Sunflower?
Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant : Siyoke?
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw aynalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy"
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host : Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant : Sa back?
Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant : Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito( Rizal Park).
Contestant : Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant : Beerhouse!
Host : What "N" (narra) is the
national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Niyog?
Host : Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant :Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE!
US pinoyjokes1
Q. What's the difference between corruption in the US and corruption in the Philippines ?
A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to the U.S.
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IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
HUSBAND: ang tuba-an?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: and mga trickad?
WIFE taxi na!
HUSBAND: ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: LIMA na!
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PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.
One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,"
he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??
"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ".
The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to the U.S.
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IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
HUSBAND: ang tuba-an?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: and mga trickad?
WIFE taxi na!
HUSBAND: ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: LIMA na!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.
One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,"
he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??
"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ".
The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
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