Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Pacquiao Jokes
CHAVIT: MANNY, paki acknowledge naman c 1st Gentleman,late dumating,aun kadadaan lang tabi ng ringside.,
PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.
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Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung
sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman.
May pasalubong ka pa sakin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim
kaya!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin…“MANKY”
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INRITS YUR BOCABOLARY: by Manny Pacquiao
TACTICS - tunog ng orasan
PAYT - laban para sa Pinoy
TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban
JENGKEH - name ng dyowa nya?!
NO PEER - sponsor nya
MOTOR KID - pag-ikot nya sa Manila
CHECK IN - manok sa McDo
CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata
MURA LESS - nakalaban nya
WIT - timbang
WAWAWEH - noontime show
DUET - gawin mo
L.A. - Leto Attyinsah!
QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dare what it takes to be, then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without" You know!"
--Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa "PEACE" and order sa inyong lugar...GenSan?
Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh...ang masasabii ku lang diyan ay...
Reporter: ano..?
Manny: ahh, kwan,...maraming "FISH" sa GenSan pero wala maxado umo-Order.
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Si Manny habang inimbita ni PGMA sa isang Hapunan...
GMA:"I`ll have Swiss Steak and French Fries", nag order si GMA sa waiter.
Waiter: And you, Sir?
Manny: The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too
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Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.
PACMAN: i wud like to acknowledge da ARRIVAL OF DA LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung
sweets.
Jinky: Nasan honey? Ang lambing mo naman.
May pasalubong ka pa sakin!
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. Ang dilim
kaya!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name?
Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin…“MANKY”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
INRITS YUR BOCABOLARY: by Manny Pacquiao
TACTICS - tunog ng orasan
PAYT - laban para sa Pinoy
TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban
JENGKEH - name ng dyowa nya?!
NO PEER - sponsor nya
MOTOR KID - pag-ikot nya sa Manila
CHECK IN - manok sa McDo
CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata
MURA LESS - nakalaban nya
WIT - timbang
WAWAWEH - noontime show
DUET - gawin mo
L.A. - Leto Attyinsah!
QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Dare what it takes to be, then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without" You know!"
--Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa "PEACE" and order sa inyong lugar...GenSan?
Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh...ang masasabii ku lang diyan ay...
Reporter: ano..?
Manny: ahh, kwan,...maraming "FISH" sa GenSan pero wala maxado umo-Order.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Si Manny habang inimbita ni PGMA sa isang Hapunan...
GMA:"I`ll have Swiss Steak and French Fries", nag order si GMA sa waiter.
Waiter: And you, Sir?
Manny: The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noodle!! Noodle!! Noodle!!
- Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal.
Contest ito
Host : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue,may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant : Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant : ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Sunflower?
Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant : Siyoke?
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw aynalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy"
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host : Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant : Sa back?
Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant : Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito( Rizal Park).
Contestant : Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant : Beerhouse!
Host : What "N" (narra) is the
national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Niyog?
Host : Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant :Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE!
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host : Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant : Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant : ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Sunflower?
Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant : Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta!
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant : Sirena?
Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant : Siyokoy?
Host : Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant : Siyoke?
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw aynalulunod?
Contestant : Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy"
at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!
Host : Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant : Sa back?
Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant : Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito( Rizal Park).
Contestant : Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)
Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant : Banyo?
Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka
doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host : Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant : Beerhouse!
Host : What "N" (narra) is the
national tree of the Philippines ?
Contestant : Niyog?
Host : Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia ?
Contestant : Carole KING?
Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant : Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?
Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant :Johnny MidNIGHT ?
Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant : Jerry PONS?
Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant : Sylvia laTORRE!
US pinoyjokes1
Q. What's the difference between corruption in the US and corruption in the Philippines ?
A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to the U.S.
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IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
HUSBAND: ang tuba-an?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: and mga trickad?
WIFE taxi na!
HUSBAND: ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: LIMA na!
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PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.
One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,"
he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??
"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ".
The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines , they go to the U.S.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
HUSBAND: ang tuba-an?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: and mga trickad?
WIFE taxi na!
HUSBAND: ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: LIMA na!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD
Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.
One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.
They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,"
he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??
"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico ".
The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
True Pinoy Signs Found While Traveling
True Pinoy Signs Found While Traveling
Taxi and outside cars not allowed - sign at a parking lot
No Crossing Pedestrians will be apprehended. - sign at Philcoa
Sorry for the inconvenient. - typical roadwork sign
Your taxes is working. Temporarily close. Yet another typical roadwork sign
Slow Men at Work - PLDT sign
No parking and repair here - sign on a house beside a car repair shop
Please help our comfort room clean. - sign at a self-service restaurant in Cebu
Fresh frozen chicken sold here - sign in a Baguio grocery
Welcome to the only Catholic Country in Asia! Beware of pickpockets - sign near a Church
None ID, nothing entry - sign at construction site, Cubao
now showing- the carpenters - on a sign outside a construction site
Jojo's Beauty Salon, for man and woman - on a billboard in Pampanga
No trispassing. If you trispass, you will be biten by d?dog. - sign in Tondo
Barya lang po sa umaga - sign in jeeps
Johnny's, the Fried of Marikina - they sell tasty fried chicken, guess where?
"...experience is needed but not required.."- sa classified ads
This one is not in Pinas pero pwede na rin siguro: A church sign in front of the priest's reserved parking space: THOU SHALT NOT Park Here!
Petal attraction - pangalan ng isang flower shop
Maruya Carey, BananaramaCue - sa menu signboard sa Potato Corner kiosk sa Greenbelt
Actual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:
Anita BakeryActual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:
Ali Baka (Shawarma)
Beefer 150 ( Meat Shop )
Common Cents Store ( Sari-sari Store )
Crispy per minute ( Crispy Pata Eatery )
Curl Up And Dye ( Beauty Salon )
Doris Day And Night
Elizabeth Tailoring
Farmacia With Love ( A Drugstore )
Felix the Cut ( Barber Shop )
Goldirocks ( Gravel & Sand Shop )
Labo Optical
Mane Attraction ( Beauty Parlor )
Meating Place ( Meat Shop )
Memory Drug ( A Mercury Drug Clone )
Nacho Fast ( Nachos To Go )
Passers Buy ( Convenience Store )
R. Maramot Leasing (A Batangas Co.)
Saudia Hairlines ( Beauty Salon )
Scissors Palace ( Barber shop )
Second Time Around ( Second Hand Watch Store )
TapSi TurBi ( Tapa, Sinangag, Turon at Bibingka
The Way We Wear ( Boutique )
Wash & Carry ( Laundromat )
MacDonuts ( Donut Shop )
Mat & Jeep ( Jeep Accessories Shop )
Mercy Buko ( Fresh Coconut Roadside Shop )
Pizza Hot ( Pizza Place )
Your Best Vet ( Veterinary Clinic )
I saw this bakery in Project 6. It's called Bread Pitt.
My friend saw a sign infront of a 7-11 Convenience store being built. It says "sorry for the inconvenience"
King Tuckee's Fried Tsiken....
Jullibee's wonder Chicken...
Cheeny's Roasters...
"original 1935 pandesal for sale" - A pandesal shop in aurora boulevard
"cinavon" -- with matching cinema film type logo laundromat
Lito...Lapida Maker!
Mang Donalds - burger shop in pasig town proper
On the Ofc door of Atty. Domingo Carriedo fr. Cebu: the sign says, Notary Public Tumatanggap din po ng labada tuwing Linggo.
Cooking ng ina mo rin - right across cooking ng ina mo
We make modern and antique furnitures - along a highway in Pampanga
Cooking ng ina mo - on a carinderia
Taxi and outside cars not allowed - sign at a parking lot
No Crossing Pedestrians will be apprehended. - sign at Philcoa
Sorry for the inconvenient. - typical roadwork sign
Your taxes is working. Temporarily close. Yet another typical roadwork sign
Slow Men at Work - PLDT sign
No parking and repair here - sign on a house beside a car repair shop
Please help our comfort room clean. - sign at a self-service restaurant in Cebu
Fresh frozen chicken sold here - sign in a Baguio grocery
Welcome to the only Catholic Country in Asia! Beware of pickpockets - sign near a Church
None ID, nothing entry - sign at construction site, Cubao
now showing- the carpenters - on a sign outside a construction site
Jojo's Beauty Salon, for man and woman - on a billboard in Pampanga
No trispassing. If you trispass, you will be biten by d?dog. - sign in Tondo
Barya lang po sa umaga - sign in jeeps
Johnny's, the Fried of Marikina - they sell tasty fried chicken, guess where?
"...experience is needed but not required.."- sa classified ads
This one is not in Pinas pero pwede na rin siguro: A church sign in front of the priest's reserved parking space: THOU SHALT NOT Park Here!
Petal attraction - pangalan ng isang flower shop
Maruya Carey, BananaramaCue - sa menu signboard sa Potato Corner kiosk sa Greenbelt
Actual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:
Anita BakeryActual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:
Ali Baka (Shawarma)
Beefer 150 ( Meat Shop )
Common Cents Store ( Sari-sari Store )
Crispy per minute ( Crispy Pata Eatery )
Curl Up And Dye ( Beauty Salon )
Doris Day And Night
Elizabeth Tailoring
Farmacia With Love ( A Drugstore )
Felix the Cut ( Barber Shop )
Goldirocks ( Gravel & Sand Shop )
Labo Optical
Mane Attraction ( Beauty Parlor )
Meating Place ( Meat Shop )
Memory Drug ( A Mercury Drug Clone )
Nacho Fast ( Nachos To Go )
Passers Buy ( Convenience Store )
R. Maramot Leasing (A Batangas Co.)
Saudia Hairlines ( Beauty Salon )
Scissors Palace ( Barber shop )
Second Time Around ( Second Hand Watch Store )
TapSi TurBi ( Tapa, Sinangag, Turon at Bibingka
The Way We Wear ( Boutique )
Wash & Carry ( Laundromat )
MacDonuts ( Donut Shop )
Mat & Jeep ( Jeep Accessories Shop )
Mercy Buko ( Fresh Coconut Roadside Shop )
Pizza Hot ( Pizza Place )
Your Best Vet ( Veterinary Clinic )
I saw this bakery in Project 6. It's called Bread Pitt.
My friend saw a sign infront of a 7-11 Convenience store being built. It says "sorry for the inconvenience"
King Tuckee's Fried Tsiken....
Jullibee's wonder Chicken...
Cheeny's Roasters...
"original 1935 pandesal for sale" - A pandesal shop in aurora boulevard
"cinavon" -- with matching cinema film type logo laundromat
Lito...Lapida Maker!
Mang Donalds - burger shop in pasig town proper
On the Ofc door of Atty. Domingo Carriedo fr. Cebu: the sign says, Notary Public Tumatanggap din po ng labada tuwing Linggo.
Cooking ng ina mo rin - right across cooking ng ina mo
We make modern and antique furnitures - along a highway in Pampanga
Cooking ng ina mo - on a carinderia
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Sa Simbahan
Kumpisalan
Tulume: Father, patawarin po ninyo ako.
Pari: Ano ang kasalanan mo?
Tulume: Nagnakaw po ako ng limang manok.
Pari: Magdasal ka ng limang Ama Namin.
Tulume: Father, walong Ama Namin na po ang dadasalin ko. Babalikan ko pa iyong naiwang tatlong manok.
----------------------------------------------------------------
madre: father, tell your seminarians not to urinate along the fence.
priest: sister naman! maliliit na bagay pinapansin mo...
madre: no! malalaki father, malalakiiiiii!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
2 madre nirerape ng goons.
madre1: dyos ko, patawarin mo po sila. hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!
madre2: ay, yung akin marunong!
-----------------------------------------------------------
pari: sister, *** ba yung nasa cr? kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
sister: sandali naka panty lang ako.
pari: ok, antay ako.
sister: pasok na, wala na ko panty!
Tulume: Father, patawarin po ninyo ako.
Pari: Ano ang kasalanan mo?
Tulume: Nagnakaw po ako ng limang manok.
Pari: Magdasal ka ng limang Ama Namin.
Tulume: Father, walong Ama Namin na po ang dadasalin ko. Babalikan ko pa iyong naiwang tatlong manok.
----------------------------------------------------------------
madre: father, tell your seminarians not to urinate along the fence.
priest: sister naman! maliliit na bagay pinapansin mo...
madre: no! malalaki father, malalakiiiiii!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
2 madre nirerape ng goons.
madre1: dyos ko, patawarin mo po sila. hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!
madre2: ay, yung akin marunong!
-----------------------------------------------------------
pari: sister, *** ba yung nasa cr? kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
sister: sandali naka panty lang ako.
pari: ok, antay ako.
sister: pasok na, wala na ko panty!
Recite this using the Pilipino alphabet
(Recite Dis using the Pilipino alphabet!)
B K W L K M G W P R M S Y, T W K ........ H H H H
M S Y K N B ? T W P ........H H H H H
T M N, P R K N T NG!!!!!
B K W L K M G W P R M S Y, T W K ........ H H H H
M S Y K N B ? T W P ........H H H H H
T M N, P R K N T NG!!!!!
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