ERAP jokes 2

English Language

Cory: Bakit ayaw mo ng English language?

Erap: Nakakalito kasi. Ang isda, pis, ang mukha ay pis, ang katahimikan ay pis din

Sa mga subdivision ay may Pis 1, Pis 2, Pis 3

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ERAP: Lintik na ibon yon ah iniputan ako!

Guard: Sir, sandali lang po kukuha ako ng toilet paper

ERAP: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan yung pwet non eh nakalipad na! Tanga ka talaga!

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FVR: Erap, may gift ako sayo from India,..10 feet na snake

Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo ba ako!? Di ako ganon katanga, wala namang feet ang snake noh!Gagong Toh!

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ERAP calling emergency hotline: Please send help asap! My daughter is giving birthand turning blue

Operator: Calm down sir! Is this her first baby?

ERAP: No! This is her father!

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ERAP & some companions went to a drinking bar,when he noticed a warning sign Below 18 not allowed Erap said,wag na tayong tumuloy,11 lang tayo

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Cardinal Sin is accepting ERAP to be the new president because he found
ERAP very close to the Lord. Gambling Lord, Drug Lord, Carnapping Lord
etc....

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Reporter asking President Erap ?

Sir, it is clear that Senator Gloria Macapagal will be your Vice
President. what are your plans for her ?

ERAP: Nothing, because I don't get involved with married women

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Another time, Erap was filling up an application form with FVR and Cory. FVR was seated to Erap's left, and Cory was seated to his right.

When he got to the part that asked about SEX, Erap looked to his left to peek at FVR's form. FVR had written "M". Then Erap took a look at Cory's application form. She had written "F".

Now Erap knew what to write. He wrote "W".
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Once Erap was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE.

Again Erap thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

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ERAP went to France to watch the world cup. He was toured around by a French official. "Mr. President, this is Joan of Arc. Do you know her?"

ERAP: Of course. She's Noah's wife.

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Driver to Erap: Boss, paki-tingnan nga ninyo yung signal light kung ayos na?

ERAP: (linabas ang ulo at tiningnan): Ooops sira. ooops gawa. ooops sira...

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In a science class:

Classmate: Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot ang elisi, umaangat sa lupa? Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?
Erap: Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!!
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While taking a shower at home and calling for Loi:

Erap: Bakit walang shampoo dito?
Loi: Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo, eh!
Erap: Eh, puro for Dry Hair lang ang meron, basa na ang buhok ko!!!

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Erap calling U.P. Diliman:

Erap: Hello! Is this Diliman?
Operator; No, this is Padre Faura!
Erap: I’m sorry father, wrong number!!!